I am sorry coz i dont hv time to write in this blog on daily basis, its not that i dont wanna write, but time does not permit me to do so eventhough there's so many things that i wanna write. Its my lunch break now and being a friday, i have longer break so i decided to take this opportunity to write something in this blog.
I wanna a talk about my eldest son whom i called Along (not ah looong occay!!) coz i just received a call from my dad informing me that's my son is in trouble again. Dunno why Along will always create problem for us and make me worried all the time.
Along was born on a fine wednesday morning of 31st July, 16 years ago. I had 9 months of morning sickness but I dont have any complications during labour. The delivery just happen within seconds that i dont even recall how the contraction felt. From day one he was born, he's already shows signs of trouble (or problem??). This baby of mine have "sawan tangis" (i dunno what it's scientific term) and being 1st time mom, its kinda of difficult for me to overcome the trauma. I was lucky tho I still have my mom to assist me during my confinement. The "crying and crying" goes on and on until finally when he's about 1.5 years I got pregnant again. Surprisingly the "sawan" disappear when I give birth to my 2nd daughter.
When he was young, i had to have a lot of patience with him. He will do all kinds of things that makes me gets into my nerves. I once remember when he was in std three, a teacher called to inform that my son was caught stealing teacher's book (if i'm not mistaken) with his friends in school. Being a wife, a mother, a working woman and a student at that time, i find it difficult to handle him. Again i always have my mom and dad there for me.
Years and years went by, the relationship between along and me became estrange. He seldom talk to me and always like to hang out with his frens. Even if we went on a family holiday, he's always by himself. He's not even close with his other siblings. He's always in the world of his own. He's very stubborn, irresponsible and not doing well in school and i just cant stand his behavior. I get irritate by his innocent look whenever I question him for his wrong doing.
Every year since he was in form one, I had to transfer him from one school to another due to his discipline problems. Just a week ago, i was called to his school and the teacher told me that they are going to dismiss him from school if he continues to create problem and violate the rules. (he was found smoking in school compound and sleeping at the surau).
When is was in form 2, he was caught stealing bicycles (not one but two bikes) in school and he was charged in court. Hubby and I had to bail him and he was sentence for good behavior for 24 months which will expire in August. If he fails, we had to pay the bail. And finally today, my dad inform me that he was caught riding motorcycle without a license, motorbike has no insurance and hanging out at 2.00 am in the morning. The police came and send him home.
At the point of writing this, I felt so depressed and disappointed. I know i have no one to blame but myself. I've been so hard on him since he was young and being the eldest son he always gets the blame and spank. But I dont understand why my own blood and flesh would do this to his own mother. I dont have the answers now, not yet but nevertheless I love him equally and unconditionally. Its a fact and I want him to know that.. *sigh*
I wanna a talk about my eldest son whom i called Along (not ah looong occay!!) coz i just received a call from my dad informing me that's my son is in trouble again. Dunno why Along will always create problem for us and make me worried all the time.
Along was born on a fine wednesday morning of 31st July, 16 years ago. I had 9 months of morning sickness but I dont have any complications during labour. The delivery just happen within seconds that i dont even recall how the contraction felt. From day one he was born, he's already shows signs of trouble (or problem??). This baby of mine have "sawan tangis" (i dunno what it's scientific term) and being 1st time mom, its kinda of difficult for me to overcome the trauma. I was lucky tho I still have my mom to assist me during my confinement. The "crying and crying" goes on and on until finally when he's about 1.5 years I got pregnant again. Surprisingly the "sawan" disappear when I give birth to my 2nd daughter.
When he was young, i had to have a lot of patience with him. He will do all kinds of things that makes me gets into my nerves. I once remember when he was in std three, a teacher called to inform that my son was caught stealing teacher's book (if i'm not mistaken) with his friends in school. Being a wife, a mother, a working woman and a student at that time, i find it difficult to handle him. Again i always have my mom and dad there for me.
Years and years went by, the relationship between along and me became estrange. He seldom talk to me and always like to hang out with his frens. Even if we went on a family holiday, he's always by himself. He's not even close with his other siblings. He's always in the world of his own. He's very stubborn, irresponsible and not doing well in school and i just cant stand his behavior. I get irritate by his innocent look whenever I question him for his wrong doing.
Every year since he was in form one, I had to transfer him from one school to another due to his discipline problems. Just a week ago, i was called to his school and the teacher told me that they are going to dismiss him from school if he continues to create problem and violate the rules. (he was found smoking in school compound and sleeping at the surau).
When is was in form 2, he was caught stealing bicycles (not one but two bikes) in school and he was charged in court. Hubby and I had to bail him and he was sentence for good behavior for 24 months which will expire in August. If he fails, we had to pay the bail. And finally today, my dad inform me that he was caught riding motorcycle without a license, motorbike has no insurance and hanging out at 2.00 am in the morning. The police came and send him home.
At the point of writing this, I felt so depressed and disappointed. I know i have no one to blame but myself. I've been so hard on him since he was young and being the eldest son he always gets the blame and spank. But I dont understand why my own blood and flesh would do this to his own mother. I dont have the answers now, not yet but nevertheless I love him equally and unconditionally. Its a fact and I want him to know that.. *sigh*
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